TODAY IS THE DAY

The Dangers of All or Nothing Thinking

Posted on June 20, 2022 by kbodtmann

Do not let one bad decision define you. One bad decision does not permit you to make 20 more. This is the exact type of thinking that underlies overeating. I know because I lived it. I would think to myself, “Well, I already gave in to that one craving so today is ruined. Might as well eat everything that I want today, and then tomorrow I will start being healthy”. As if the next day I would have more willpower than I did today. I was lying to myself. All or nothing thinking holds you back from accomplishing what you want in life. There is no such thing as a perfect day. One lazy hour does not need to turn into 8 hours of binge-watching tv. One missed day of your exercise plan does not need to mean months of being off track. It is easy to get lost in the lows when you are between the highs. The power lies in knowing that, without a doubt, those high moments are coming again. You just need to hang on and hold true to your own ideals.

Many people have similar thinking when it comes to goals. They do not have an hour to execute an entire workout routine so they give themselves the sweet relief of delaying to another day. As if tomorrow an hour of exercise will be more realistic than it was today. Is it helping or hurting you to hold on to those delusions? You always have time to do something toward your goals even on your busiest days. You have 5 minutes to do crunches or 10 minutes to take a walk. The power lies in those little things that are so easy to do but just as easy not to do. While everyone else sets unrealistic goals and finds reasons why they can’t accomplish them, be the one that steps up for yourself and commits to doing just one small thing that moves you forward. Years down the road, you will find yourself leagues above others.

So remember, life is not an all-or-nothing game. Accept that one miss does not ruin your streak. Making an occasional bad decision or having a bad day is part of living life. Sometimes you need to pivot, get creative in your thinking, and accept that one step backward for two steps forward is indeed still progress. Play the long game when it comes to your health and your goals. Take pride that you are making incremental gains, however small. Give yourself grace and know the power lies in the fact that you know, better than others, that you will recommit the moment after you fail. Maybe, just maybe, this is the actual secret to success and living your best life.

Unapologetic

Posted on June 6, 2022 by kbodtmann

The only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself at the end of each day. Did you live up to the promises you made to yourself? Are you proud of the person you are or the person you are becoming? You are unique and your expression in this world can match no one else’s.

Why not embrace what feeds your soul.

Why not highlight and magnify your personality traits.

If you are intense – then be unapologetically fierce. If you are creative – then imagine, mold, and capture the beauty surrounding you. If you nurture – then bring forth the love and care that sets your heart free and give to others. The only opinion of you that matters is yours. Know your nature, trust yourself, and vow to live each day with good intentions. Live up to and exceed your own standards.

Be real, be unapologetically you.

Invisible Love

Posted on May 9, 2022 by kbodtmann

A Mother’s love sometimes lies within the invisible work they do.

The way the house gets somehow cleaned, the clothes folded and put away. The mind-numbing organization carried out, only to be re-done a million times when tiny hands go exploring. Hours in the kitchen, snacks always prepared, lunches well made. This is a Mother’s love.

A safe person to catch you when you fail and to push you when you don’t meet your potential. Internet researching a child’s interests with sign-ups, programs, and car-pooling. Weekends dedicated to fulfilling another person’s dreams and passions. Putting their life on hold for another’s and willingly doing so. This is a Mother’s love.

Tears and smiles. Behind the scenes sacrifice. Striving to be a better example. The push and pull of helping a little one find their voice, while you struggle to remember yourself. This is a Mother’s love.

Showing up to parent a second time when your children’s children need a role model. Wishing you could impart years of knowledge yet knowing the only way they get there is by going through those inevitable struggles. Being tired but still showing up for whatever is needed of you. The support. The unselfish giving and doing. The embrace that holds all tears and pain and just allows. This is a Mother’s love.

Only when you become a parent can you really see the invisible love that stood there strong for you all those years. The behind-the-scenes magic that was executed tirelessly all so you could be happy and carefree.

A Mother’s love lies in the invisible work they do.

Narrow Your Focus

Posted on April 25, 2022 by kbodtmann

“You can do anything you want in life; you just can’t do everything you want in life” ~ David Allen

As a multi-passionate person, this quote strikes me. I often find myself wanting to add more to my plate – more books to read, more habits to track, more steps in my morning wellness routine. More roles in my life. More steps on the hedonic treadmill.

What I have learned the hard way is that this is not sustainable. Instead of doing more, in actuality, I need to do less to be the best version of myself. When I overschedule myself, I tend to neglect relationships and miss important cues from other people that they need my time and attention.

It is not just me. I see many productive and ambitious people who sacrifice relationships and depth for another quick stroke of their ego. Another feather in their cap. Another project that will gain them some recognition. Such a superficial way to live life. These are the same individuals that believe others do not see how scattered and disintegrated they truly are. They are deceiving themselves.

To be a value-driven person means that you know when to scale back so that outward pursuits do not out-compete what is most important in your life. So that juggling tasks and to-do lists does not define you. The people who truly have their life together know how to narrow their focus. They know that being an exemplar in one domain and honing their skills is better than spreading themselves thin over multiple pursuits.

You really can do anything you want. You are the master of how you spend your time and you can vote for the person you want to be with every choice you make. You truly can do anything, you just can’t do everything.

Courage

Posted on April 4, 2022 by kbodtmann

Have the courage to fight for what you believe in. Have the courage to be the voice for those who can not speak. Have the courage to advocate for those who are powerless to care for themselves or those they love. Having courage is having the strength to take action in the face of fear. To persist even when the odds are stacked against you. To perservere despite those who doubt you. To always act from a place of love. To help and serve others.

Have the courage to fight for yourself. To get off the couch and go for that run because YOU ARE WORTH IT. To push away your doubts and send that email, publish that prose, find your voice. Have the courage to soften when others are suffering and understand instead of judge. To give one more hug, take one more deep breath, to close your eyes and start anew – even if you’ve been here before and it didn’t end well. Have the courage to give yourself a chance – to heal, to love, to forgive.

Have the courage to fight for this life. Your purpose. Your ideals. Have the courage to start fresh every morning and embrace your challenges. To lean into adventure. To cherish those people who will always be by your side. To take the road less traveled by. To breathe in the precious moments with your family, the laughter with a cherished friend, and the support of those who see the real you. Have the courage to cry, shed bad habits that hold you back, let go when you need to, to rise above and move forward. Have the courage to never take one minute on this precious earth for granted.

Renewal

Posted on March 21, 2022March 21, 2022 by kbodtmann

A dawn of complicated feelings, surrenders to a new reality  
A shedding of old skin, freshens the future's possibility

I am someone new
I am the rush of a waterfall, a refreshing force for the reservoir below 
And yet 
I am also the gentle breeze that liberates the leaf from its tree

I give voice to an inner strength 
A fresh perspective for this journey 
The distillation of a new direction

For each day is a chance to discover 
A better me and a brighter life

Personal Growth Through a Productive Work Hour

Posted on March 7, 2022March 7, 2022 by kbodtmann

What is the purpose of work or task accomplishment? I argue it is to further relationships with others and allow time for the gratifying memory-making moments of your life as well as to foster personal growth. Work in and of itself can be satisfying, especially when you become immersed in it and find flow. If you follow these 3 steps before a work session, you are bound to be successful.

(1) The Upgrade

The “Upgrade” is a way to re-imagine your work with more virtuous ideals or reframe something that you don’t want to do into a challenge that affords you a growth opportunity. It helps you see the meaning behind the work and the ultimate purpose of your effort. For example, folding laundry is not just a rote task. It is promoting order in my household which puts everyone at ease. It is allowing smooth transitions for my children when I clean and set out their outfits by ensuring they have a calm and enjoyable morning and a day at school in which they are comfortable and confident. This can be applied to any task we have, any work endeavor, anything that we are annoyed or scared to do or face during the day. If you take 1 minute to imagine how a task or project is bettering the lives of others (or even yourself by taking on the challenge) then you can find meaning and purpose in any activity.

(2) Strategy and Challenge

The “strategy and challenge” component of any work hour encompasses three major elements (1) Time deadline (2) Steps toward accomplishment (3) Growth goals

(1) Set an amount of time that forces you to push yourself. Having a set end time to work every day or simply allotting a certain amount of time to engage in a task can help you create positive pressure toward finishing a large amount of work in a relatively small amount of time.

(2) Write down or visualize in your head the tasks and the order in which you would like to complete the components of the project, so when you are in “flow” you can follow your outline without taking time to strategize.

(3) Find a way to grow yourself during the allotted time slot and while executing the project or task. For example, if you are writing a weekly newsletter, then you will focus on typing speed or accuracy and try to gain efficiency. If you are reading a non-fiction book, then you practice slowing down for comprehension and commit to recording a 5-minute explanation to someone else to test your understanding. If you are sitting at your computer planning to pay bills, then you practice self-regulation by ignoring all texts, alerts, and social media multitasking and grow in the strength of character. If you are seeing appointments at work, you will enter each interaction with another person with increasing patience and open acceptance to foster connection with others. As Dr. Kevin Majeres, owner of OptimalWork describes, your goal while executing a period of work is to increase your knowledge, skills, virtues, or bonds with others.

(3) Going Inward

Moments of mindfulness are crucial to focus. Close your eyes or gaze downward, take 3 deep breaths, and focus on the subtle buzzing of energy in your fingertips and body. Accept the noises around you and bring your focus back to your breath. Understand that any twinges of extra energy, accelerated heart rate, butterflies, subtle feelings that you interpret to be anxiety are just a rush of adrenaline telling you that you care about what you are about to do and your body is preparing to execute. Embrace these feelings. If you still feel unmotivated to crush your work hour, you either did not upgrade the task and reframe it with appropriate meaning or the challenge you set forth is not great enough. Please start again at Step 1.

Accomplishing work just for the sake of getting something done leads to a lack of purpose and meaning in life. We are here to grow, have new experiences, take on new challenges. You do not need a grand adventure to do this. You just need yourself and these three steps toward valuing the work you do as it helps you grow into the person you want to be.

Feelings follow Actions: Take Steps Toward Being Your Best Self

Posted on February 21, 2022February 21, 2022 by kbodtmann

What does feeling like it have to do with it? We are faced with many things during the day that we may not feel like doing and that is part of life. People used to believe that a Thought –> Feelings –> Behavior. This is not the true progression. In actuality, it is that a Thought –> Behavior –> Feeling. If we always left our accomplishments up to how we felt in the moment then we would not achieve much and as a result, feel terrible about ourselves. What we need to do is first think about our higher-level values and priorities, set up a system of behaviors or actions we want to take, and the feelings will be the result and our reward for taking action.

Think of your brain as a high-functioning processing system. It is meant to interpret signals from the body but doesn’t discern the nuance or intention behind the physiologic pose or cue. It just takes it at face value. Two remarkable studies have shown similar findings (1) Amy Cuddy’s “power pose” ( aka standing like superman for 2 minutes) elevates blood levels of testosterone and reduces cortisol (2) The pencil smile experiment (I named it that) where participants mimicking a genuine smile by holding a pencil in their mouth, were less stressed with faster physiological recovery when given difficult tasks compared to those mimicking a fake or no smile.

It is the little things in life that are easy to do and yet just as easy NOT to do that make the biggest difference. When making a choice between a habit that you know will help expand you, yet you do not feel like doing it, try this motivation system: (1) How will my future self feel if I follow through on this action? Remember, you generally feel great after the run, not before. You will feel relieved after finishing work or a project that has been looming over you but may not feel like starting to work on it at the moment. Sacrifice a little bit of your current self, just start, and your future self will thank you. (2) Practice something I call “positive deception”. This is where I tell myself that I will only take a micro-step toward accomplishing something. Once that something is started, I generally keep working on it or finish it; Harnessing my inner Newton and the law of inertia. As Yoga Instructors say – the hardest part is getting to the mat. So say to yourself, ” All I have to do is open the document on my computer and write one sentence” or ” I will put on my shoes and just walk down to the mailbox” and see what happens. (3) Celebrate yourself for acting even when you felt resistance and affirm that you are the type of person that follows through on what matters most. Even when you don’t feel like it.

Think –> Do –> Feel. This is not meant to be used to force out your much-needed recovery time. If your body is truly sending you a signal that you need a break then by all means take it. Taking time for yourself enhances productivity, not dampens it. Think – Do – Feel is a way to remind yourself that your highest feelings of accomplishment, gratitude, pride come after doing the hard things. The things that you least want to do. There is no emotional free ride in life, you’ll have to earn it.

Burn Bright

Posted on February 7, 2022February 7, 2022 by kbodtmann

” Wind extinguishes a candle, but fuels a fire” – You are that fire
^{_{Adapted quote from Francois de La Rochefoucauld}}

What type of person are you? Someone who crumbles at the first sign of adversity or are you someone who is fueled by conquering the ever-growing demands of life? Ancient literature and history teach us that there are common themes of the Hero’s Journey. The one I repeatedly come back to is that some people get knocked down but this doesn’t defeat them, it strengthens their resolve. Your passion doesn’t have to be grandiose. It can be small yet meaningful to you. It may be that you are committed to being the most patient, loving, present parent that supports their children toward being independent self-affirming adults. Vow to be the radiant exemplar of what it means to embody this type of parental love. Find your why and be all in. When life gets in the way of your plans; knocks the breath out of you with sorrow, fatigue, anxiety, and stress. Remember, you are that fire. You are someone that looks inward, rises up, and grows stronger. You are not the flickering flame that others can snuffle with so much of an unkind word. You are the fire that consumes obstacles as kindling and explodes in growth when the stormy cadence of life tries to blow you down. Burn bright my friend.

Cultivating Blissipline; A New Perspective on Daily Discipline

Posted on January 24, 2022 by kbodtmann

What if you enjoyed the things you knew were good for you? Took pleasure in the pain of a tough workout. Decided to do the hardest thing on your agenda and rocked it. Found the real internal joy in completing the things others won’t, so you can accomplish what others can’t. What if being disciplined in your execution of the mundane, ultimately led to more freedom and a sense of well-being and pride that no one could take from you?? You can have this. We all can.

Habit 1: “That’s just like me”

Seems silly but it’s not. I challenge you to try it. Every time you do something you wouldn’t normally do and you step out of your comfort zone, try saying: “That’s just like me”. That’s just like me choosing a healthy meal over junk food. That’s just like me taking a breath instead of yelling at the kids for fighting with each other. That’s just like me to send that tough email, have that hard conversation. That’s just like me standing up for what I believe in, enforcing my boundaries. BOOM. Believe in yourself because I know you are tougher, stronger, and have more willpower than you could ever believe. When you do something that makes you feel that shine ( “Shine” is the term BJ Fogg of Tiny Habits uses for the immediate feeling of success upon completing a positive behavior) make sure you reinforce it by saying to yourself with an inner smile – “That’s just like me”.

Habit 2: Obstacles Make Me Stronger

You don’t want to be resilient. You want to be antifragile. The harder your day, the tougher the situation, the more you thrive.

Some things benefit from shocks; they thrive and grow when exposed to volatility, randomness, disorder, and stressors and love adventure , risk, and uncertainty. Yet, in spite of the ubiquity of the phenomenon, there is no word for the exact opposite of fragile. Let us call it antifragile. Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.
Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

I am not the person that tries to find the silver lining in everything. I am the person that chooses to believe that I can complete the hard things in life, can thrive from conquering obstacles. I know I can become stressed without becoming distressed. I know that I can bend, not break, and get up the next day tougher than I was before. “Fall 7, Rise 8” is an ancient proverb that has become a mantra for me. Evoke that inner fighter when life knocks you down. Choose to believe that obstacles make you stronger.

Habit 3: Moment to Moment

What is the purpose of this life, if not to enjoy the moment to moment. To express your best self. To work toward a worthwhile goal that helps others and allows you to use your unique talents in service to a greater good? Know that all you need to worry about is this moment. The past is gone and the future is not in our control so why spend so much of your life mind traveling to those moments. You are missing out on the here and now. Bliss is expressing your unique, idiosyncratic characteristics and honoring them in your day-to-day life. It is asking yourself “What’s Important Now ( WIN) ” and executing on it. Spoiler Alert – you will never be able to accomplish everything you want to on a given day, but you will enjoy your life much more if you can accomplish the things that are most important to you. If you develop the fortitude to apply all of your mental and emotional energy to one thing, you will accomplish it faster, better, and find much more joy in the process.

Blissipline is taking joy in doing the hard things. It is honoring yourself when you execute on the fundamentals every day. It is when you dream of a better you and take a step in that direction. It is when your soul is on fire and you let it burn bright. It is the joy you find in the passionate execution of doing the right thing or making the right choice – moment to moment.