If you continue to blame or use other people for the reason you are not where you want to be in life, you are giving away your power. Bad things happen to good people and sometimes you end up as a product of environmental or relational failure. If you allow those people and those events to stand in the way of who you can become, they win. As you work silently toward your goal of getting better, those people shrink. As you succeed, they become irrelevant. Your skills, your knowledge, the character strengths you develop, no one can take those away from you. Stop reliving past hurts, stop giving your precious attention to past grievances. The only way to move on is to develop yourself and be proud of who you become in the process.
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The Middle Way: Goal Achievement
Slow progress is the middle way. No self judgement when you miss a day.
Have a vision of who you want to be and hold it in mind always. Don’t be discouraged when the inevitable roadblocks get in the way of your goal. Know that you have a commitment to yourself and hold that vision in your mind and your heart.
Miss a day of your workout, no problem. Fell off the tracks with your diet or your schedule. Who cares. This WILL happen.
Give yourself grace and know the goal is always there. You haven’t failed. You are capitalizing on slow productivity. Fitting your plans into life and not structuring your life to fit your plans. The key is slow progress. When you have the time, when you feel the motivation, your goals will always be there.
Every day is day one. Every day is a new day to pick up where you left off.
Embracing Freedom through Structure and Planning: A New Way of Productivity
” Plans are Worthless, But Planning is Everything” ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower
In our fast-paced world, the concept of freedom is often associated with spontaneity, unbridled creativity, and a laissez-faire approach to life. While these elements undoubtedly have their charm, there is a surprising beauty to be found in the harmony of structure and planning. Far from being stifling, embracing a well-organized framework can provide us with the true freedom to pursue our dreams, achieve our goals, and savor the journey along the way.
Often perceived as mundane, routines are, in fact, the invisible threads that weave freedom into our daily lives. Establishing routines allows us to establish a sense of stability and predictability, freeing up mental space to explore new avenues and passions. When we know what to expect from our day-to-day activities, we can dedicate our energy to the things that truly matter and explore more room for creative endeavors or personal relationships.
Planning is not just a means to an end; it is a profound art form that breathes life into our dreams. As we lay out our aspirations on paper, we chart a course toward our desired destination. Planning instills us with clarity and purpose, guiding us through the labyrinth of possibilities and uncertainties. By carefully considering our future, we actively mold our path to success.
Structure does not imply rigidity; it represents the framework within which creativity and innovation can thrive. Just as a sturdy scaffold provides the necessary support for a majestic building, the structure gives us the confidence to explore uncharted territories. Within the boundaries of a well-defined structure, we can dare to take risks and push the boundaries of our comfort zones. When we embrace structure and planning, we create tangible milestones celebrating our progress and achievements. Reaching these milestones becomes a source of deep satisfaction and motivation, propelling us on our journey.
While structure and planning provide a guiding compass, life is inherently unpredictable. A lesson I have learned time and time again, especially within my profession. Embracing the unexpected with grace and flexibility is a testament to our adaptability and resilience. Rather than constraining us, the structure opens up a realm of possibilities in which we can dance with life’s twists and turns. In structured planning, we find a safe harbor to cultivate mindfulness and self-awareness. As we set aside time to reflect on our actions, intentions, and outcomes, we gain invaluable insights into our strengths and areas for improvement.
In a world that often glorifies spontaneity and free-spiritedness, let us remember that there is an undeniable allure within the art of structure and planning. Embracing a well-thought-out framework empowers us to wield the brush of creativity on the canvas of our lives. It is within these boundaries that we find the true essence of freedom—the freedom to pursue our passions, the freedom to evolve, and the freedom to savor every moment of our journey. Honor the delicate balance of structure and planning in your life, for it is the gateway to a life of purpose, productivity, and profound joy.
The Ripple Effect of Negativity: How Others Perceive You
We all have our ups and downs, and it’s natural to experience negative emotions from time to time. However, have you ever stopped to consider how your negativity can impact the way others perceive you? I started thinking about this when I encountered a very negative individual who was complaining and reactive. What I realized is that it didn’t cause me to view the situation they were complaining about with mutual disdain, but it caused me to question that person’s emotional control, ability to lead and overall made me view that PERSON in a negative light. It was extremely eye-opening and a good check on my own behavior. We should all take time to explore the ripple effect of negativity and delve into how our actions and attitudes can influence the way we are perceived by those around us.
(1) The Power of Non-Verbal Cues: It’s said that actions speak louder than words, which rings true regarding negative behavior. Non-verbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions, can communicate a great deal to others. A dismissive gesture can convey negativity even before a single word is spoken. All of your non-verbal cues shape how others perceive you and can affect their willingness to engage or support you.
(2) Impact on Relationships: Negativity can have a significant impact on our relationships. Constant complaining, criticism, or a pessimistic outlook can strain connections with friends, family, and colleagues. People may hesitate to share the good news with you or may distance themselves to avoid being dragged down by your negativity. Building positive relationships requires fostering an environment of support, understanding, and empathy.
(3) Perception of Competence and Confidence: Negativity can influence how others perceive our competence and confidence. When we constantly focus on the negative aspects of a situation or doubt our abilities, it can undermine the trust and confidence others have in us. Projecting a positive attitude, even in the face of challenges, can instill confidence in others and enhance their perception of our capabilities.
(4) Emotional Contagion: Negativity is contagious, and our behavior can influence the moods and attitudes of those around us. Research has shown that emotions can be easily transmitted from person to person, affecting not only individuals but also entire groups. Acting negatively can create a ripple effect, spreading dissatisfaction and hindering productivity, especially in professional settings.
(5) Personal Well-being: Beyond how others perceive us, negativity can also harm our well-being. Constantly dwelling on negative thoughts can impact our mental and emotional health, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and a diminished sense of happiness. Taking steps to cultivate a positive mindset benefits our relationships and contributes to our overall well-being. Pause and think through why you are allowing a situation you can not change or another toxic person to weigh so heavily on your mood and affect. Take back control of your mind and mental health.
The way we act and express ourselves can have a profound impact on how others perceive us. Negativity can create barriers, strain relationships, and hinder personal growth AND professional growth. By being mindful of our actions, attitudes, and the ripple effect they create, we can foster more positive interactions, build stronger connections, and enhance our well-being. Choose to radiate positivity and kindness, and watch as the world responds in kind. Striving to maintain a positive outlook can make a world of difference in how we are perceived and the impact we have on those around us.
Rain, Rain Go Away
I was on a walk with my family when the storm clouds rolled in. Enormous but sparse drops of rain began to populate the asphalt. A faint rumble of thunder grew closer threatening our relaxed stroll. We quickened the pace but there was no avoiding it and we eventually had to give in to drops of water streaming down our face.
That is when our youngest daughter declared, ” We can never leave the house again because we never know when it might rain”. Seems easy as an adult to laugh at such a silly statement. Of course, we would not decide to become a shut-in for the rest of our lives on the off chance it may spontaneously rain. Yet, how many times do we view life like this, and is there some truth in what she said?
Do you hold yourself back on a new opportunity, preferring the comfort of what is familiar, on the off chance that it may “rain” and things may not work out the way you envisioned? How many times in life do we allow ourselves to become excited about something new, only to focus solely on how many random things could go wrong, stopping us from pursuing it? How often do you have an unanticipated “storm” in your life when you set out on a new path? Consider this, even if there is an unforeseen rain shower or bone-rattling thunder and lightning with a downpour; you may be afraid, you may get a bit wet, but in the end, you will make it home safely if you just keep walking.
Reinvent Yourself
The one thing I know to be true is that every human being will change. Some have a catalyst leading to explosive growth; others are steadfast and some passive, allowing the ebb and flow of daily life to erode and shape them until they slowly reconfigure. What if you had more control than you thought? What if life was as simple as realizing that what you CAN do, you MUST do? Ever evolving into the next best version of yourself. Climb each next step on the staircase but do it in a way that is different than you have before. You are not a victim of your past or preconceived notions of what you can or can not do. You are whatever you think you are. You just need to act on it.
Career Advice You Wish You Had
If your childhood was anything like mine, teachers and mentors gave you recommendations on how to find your true path. To find a career that fulfilled you and one in which you felt of service to others. You were told to find where your innate talent intersected with your passions, which would be your ideal profession. Sure, this advice was helpful but extremely short-sighted. Your career is only one facet of your life. We all should have been told to create a vision for what a meaningful and full life would look like for us. One in which you could enjoy and cultivate connections with friends and family, the greatest predictor for happiness. Where you could travel if you wanted, pursue meaningful hobbies, and have space and margin to follow your interests. Once you planned the general feeling of how you wanted your life to turn out, you should then find a career that enables you to have this lifestyle. Your career fits into your life, not vice-versa. So whether you are reinventing your career or just starting on your journey, remember this. Imagine HOW you want to spend your precious time here and then find a job that enables you to do that. Pursuing the highest salary, the most prestigious company, or the flashiest title means little if you can’t enjoy the journey.
The Universe is Keeping Score, So You Don’t Have To
One thing I know to be true is that things are always changing. If you have a bad day or week or are in a slump, there is always a turnaround, an upside, or a positive turn of events coming your way to keep things in balance. Everything dies eventually; including your negative moods, tumultuous emotions, powerless moments, and current hardships.
Having equanimity means you have the power to ride the highs and lows and know that you can stay even-tempered. Life is filled with the coming and going of both pleasure and excitement as well as depression and pain. Phil Stutz likes to say, and I am paraphrasing, that no one will ever be exonerated from hard work, pain, and the uncertainty of life. Thankfully, you will also not be spared from love, friendship, and joy.
Some weeks are hard, some situations are unbearable. Sometimes, you did not choose the path that has been set before you. Many times what ends up on your plate is truly the “luck of the draw”. Accepting that this happens to everyone is essential. Not allowing it to crush you is a virtue in action. However, transcendence is embracing the obstacle and allowing it to transform you into a better person, a person who is more adaptable and capable in the future. Let us all be able to transcend the difficulties thrown our way.
Remember the universe is keeping score and what seems unfair right now may just be leading you to a better, brighter future. Or at the very least, trust that a reprieve is coming soon. Change is inevitable and offers us hope when things are not exactly going our way.
The Joy of Caring for Animals
My oldest daughter has inherited the gene – the crazy obsession for caring for all creatures. Her interest has been obvious from when she was just able to express herself and seeing myself in her, I am sure that I am inadvertently enabling her animal addiction. While most people feel tremendous joy and excitement over going on a trip or purchasing something new – we dream of the next animal we can share our lives with and care for. If you are one of us, you know the feeling.
Animals really do love unconditionally. They depend on you and teach valuable lessons about the responsibility that is inherent to caring for another. They bring endless joy with their antics and show their human companions what it is like to always be in the moment. There is something deeply fulfilling about the mutual trust that develops between two individuals. The sense of accomplishment that you alone were able to provide another living creature with safety and comfort. The pride you have knowing that with your diligent care, they will be able to live a happy and protected life. In retrospect, they give back so much more than they receive.
Welcome to the Carpenter Family – Peanut, Milkshake and Stripey <3
Rise Above
“What people in the world think of you is really none of your business” – Martha Graham
Rise above those that do not operate with great personal integrity. Some people out there may want to disparage you or turn others against you. We have all experienced cliques that talk badly about others, a friend circle that ousts you, or people bad-mouthing others at work out of jealousy or competition, perhaps as an inner rebellion against mimetic desire.
Gossip is a vicious snake that infects the handler with a poisonous bite once let loose. You think that the wanted effect would be to spread malice against the person you are speaking ill of, however, it only shows others the type of person you really are. People around you are always wondering when it will be their turn and you will speak badly about them. It erodes trust and shows a lack of care and compassion for others.
I have said this over and over again in my blog posts. At the end of the day, all that matters is that you know you did and said the right thing. Your opinion of yourself has everything to do with your self-worth. Be the person that chooses not to participate in gossip. Share an opposing or more enlightened viewpoint on a situation that is intended to harm another. Be someone that approaches every person with a curiosity to learn who they are and what their actions mean instead of judging them harshly. Ignore others when they speak badly about you as each person can only operate within their current level of consciousness and we all know what it feels like to be the receiver and the perpetrator of an unkind act.
Rise Above and know that those that matter most know you, see you, and support you. Stand tall knowing you are committed to doing the right thing above all else.